Diaper-Free Before 3

I’ve been putting off my review of “Diaper-Free Before 3” until I could give you some tried and true evidence. A month or so into potty training twins, and here’s what I have to say:

I’ve been putting off my review of “Diaper-Free Before 3” until I could give you some tried and true evidence. A month or so into potty training twins, and here’s what I have to say:

I was intrigued by the back of the book, which is why it made it to the cash register. The words “routine” and “cultural history” caught my eye. Two of my favorite things: scheduling and history. Sold. Dr. Lekovic looks at the cultural practices of potty training throughout history and analyzes them in the face of current medical research. She tops this off with a dose of practical advice from her own experience with her three children. I figured if she practiced what she preached with MORE THAN ONE CHILD, she couldn’t be all wrong.

Her presentation of the cultural and historical argument for early potty training made a lot of sense in my mind. There simply wasn’t time or inclination to wait around until children were “ready.” Moms weren’t afforded that luxury. Some cultures started training at birth, others before the age of one, but most potty trained their children well before our American culture does today. As a mom with two year old twins, a one year old, and a baby on the way, I can relate to the mothers of the past. I haven’t got the time or the inclination to deal with fifty diapers a day. The 18-20 we did was PLENTY.

Another side of Dr. Lekovic’s argument appealed to me. I had never really liked the idea of bribing my child to do what is natural and something they will be responsible for doing the rest of their lives. She points out that this puts the ball in their court for them to choose if doing what mommy wants is worth the piece of candy. At some point, most kids will decide it isn’t. By very matter of factly making potty time just a part of the routine, you take away any options. It doesn’t have to become a power struggle between parent and child. It is simply part of the day, like eating dinner or brushing teeth.

Dr. Lekovic argues that we should start putting our kids on the potty as early as six months of age, or when they can sit reliably well. At first I thought it was a little extreme, but starting early is an easy way to add the potty to the daily routine without major trauma. By 12 months, potty time will be as natural as breathing, even if the child doesn’t comprehend all that is supposed to happen at this time. Then when you do take away the diapers, the transition should be fairly easy.

Perhaps the biggest distinction Dr. Lekovic makes is that we have to quit defining “potty trained” as “perfection.” Toddlers aren’t wired for perfection and it is ridiculous to expect it of them. They don’t tell us, “Mommy, I’m finding life overwhelming right now and can feel myself becoming crabby. I need a nap.” Why would we expect them to be able to tell us every time they need to use the restroom? By teaching them to go when it’s convenient, not imperative, we can reduce the stress, frustration, and hopefully the accidents. But we as parents have keep the expectations we place on ourselves and our children realistic. We all want this extremely inconvenient and icky time to end as quickly as possible, but Dr. Lekovic argues that a child can be potty trained and not be completely accident free. Boy, has that helped me to relax over the last month.

Enough arguing her point. How did it work? Well, there are two chapters about “how to do it.” One is for parents starting early and one for parents starting later. I fall into both categories, interestingly enough. Adam sits on the potty once a day (when I remember) and he has adapted to it quite nicely. I hope to say in the next few weeks it will be more routine, but he stays just a little longer every time. I’ll keep you posted.

The twins are a different story. Technically, according to Lekovic, I was starting late with them, even though some of my friends said it was still early. Can’t hurt to try. We bought them underwear and printed up a schedule. I’d holler “potty time” and we’d curl up in the hallway with books and potties. Lekovic’s book is short on actual details of ‘how to” but it was pretty easy to improvise. I set a limit of three books If they don’t accomplish anything after that, we pull up pants, say, “thanks for practicing with me” and move on with life. That takes the pressure off to perform. It also means someone could have an accident twenty minutes later, but at least I’m not begging and pleading with them to tee-tee. The trick was moderating our tone. No making a big deal out of accidents. Just, “time to potty” and move on. No asking if they need to go. Only if they said the words first and I wanted to make sure I heard them right. Otherwise, I just picked the time and we went. It took me a few days to figure out their needs and it took them a few days to figure out what the heck was going on. But they do get it. Ian, little schedule boy, loves it. He can tee-tee on command, I tell you. Sam’s got the ability to hold it forever, which can be good or bad. (Ask me sometime about our trip to Alabama.) We had a bit of a setback when we went to Auburn and they got sick. Back in diapers they went and all my hard work went out the window. It took about three days when we got back to get them on track again. At that point, I vowed not to put them in rubber pants during nap-time or bed-time. They had gotten used to wetting themselves and weren’t bothered by it. So we went to underwear full-time. And they can do it. They’re dry 90% of the time at nap-time and 75% of the time at bed-time. (We do get them up to potty before we go to bed, but I say that counts.)

How do I feel about the book and the methods? I told you what appealed. What appealed also worked, I think. It took so much of the stress off not to have to beg, cajole, or bribe. We celebrated success, no doubt. That’s the fun part. But there was no punishment, no disappointment when we failed. Just clean it up and move on. I can live with that. It took a little work on my part not to instinctively ask if they needed to potty or to act upset when they went too early, but it was a matter of my self-control, not their behavior. Furthermore, it was a lot easier not to take accidents personally. (Why do we do that, anyway? Why do we assume they peed their pants just to aggravate us? Probably because in some cases it’s true . With this method, I was pretty sure it wasn’t. Sometimes it was laziness, but not a direct affront to my person. No power struggle. Just routine. I like that.) Keeping my definition of “trained” in perspective helped, too. I can now say with confidence that my kids are indeed potty trained. But we’re not 100% accident free. They’re okay with that, and so am I.

Overall, I give the book four stars. I wish she had more details of “how to,” especially with training older kids, but I’m a little proud of us for finding our own way where we couldn’t find the answer in a book. And I’m even more proud of my fellas. The best little pee-ers on the block.