Adoption

Follicular Follies – A Giveaway

May 5, 2013 by LoraLynn

First, I think you should know that I recently recovered from what can only be called a Hair Crisis. It involved Pinterest and a lot of coconut oil and I don’t want to talk about it. Suffice it to say, I had to wear my hair up quite a bit while it recovered from the oily assault.

Which is why it was very good timing that I received a package in the mail from Jackie at Lilla Rose. It was a flexi-clip that was supposed to hold even my thick mane in place.

I scoffed at the possibility.

Behold, the tresses that make hair clips and scrunchees run in fear:

I’m not kidding, y’all. I’ve broken every hair clip, even the big bear claw they sell at the pharmacy. And this is my slightly thinned hair since having Finn.

The only thing I knew about the flexi-clip was that I’d seen them at homeschooling conventions. So, um, that made me nervous. But I found a perfectly simple clip that would match my denim jumper or my sassy skinny jeans. (And I left that chocolate wrapper in the picture just so you would know it was me.)

I admit, I was impressed. I was able to twist my slightly damp hair up and hold it in place for an entire evening of outside play with the kids.

It also makes a great option when I don’t want to wear my boring black scrunchee for a ponytail and want to dress things up a bit. I’d show you a picture, but I asked Andrew to take it which means I have an excellent shot of my butt and three very bad pictures of my pony tail. I’ve spared you from those.

You’re welcome.

I’m now a firm believer that we curly, thick-headed types should definitely have this in our Hair Arsenal. It doesn’t tear or damage the hair (something my curls appreciate) and yet will still hold rock solid, even during a work-out.

Jackie has generously offered to send one of you your very own flexi-clip. Keep reading for instructions on how to enter.

Speaking of hair, I have a giveaway for all of you adoptive parents out there. Dr Brooke Jackson, M.D., an adoptive mom herself, sent me a copy of her book Child of Mine: Caring for the Skin and Hair of Your Adopted Child to share with you. I read it and it’s a good basic lay-out of all the different skin and hair types God made and how they each have unique needs.

If you haven’t got anybody to ask, this book is a great place to start.

Now, I know not everybody who wants a hair clip will want a book, so we’re gonna do two giveaways in one. Can you handle it?

First, if you plan to enter either giveaway, leave me a comment telling me your latest hair disaster story and then enter in the rafflecopter. That’s a required entry.

Second, you can enter both giveaways if you want, just click on each rafflecopter and follow the instructions. I’ll pick a winner on Wednesday night.

Are you ready?

Get set…

Go!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Filed Under: Adoption, My Hair Is The Real Star, Sponsor Love
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Imma Tell You A Story

April 17, 2013 by LoraLynn

Once upon a time, a girl with equator in her blood found herself in a family that looked and spoke differently than her. She was tiny, so she mourned her lost country without words. She quickly grasped the new language and peered at her world with the absolute understanding that comes from An Old Soul Who Knows Things.

She grew into toddlerhood and her tongue loosened. Never content to speak her words unless she could say them perfectly, she would often prefer to nod or shake her head than utter one syllable out of place. But then, her urge to sing would overtake her and she’d spin in circles in the living room, singing at the top of her lungs.

Not many people saw this side of her, but her parents delighted in every note and treasured her song. They knew the loss that song had overcome to be heard.

Full sentences began to pour from the girl. Each tiny sound spoken was clearly shaped.

But sometimes the words didn’t come. Sometimes she clamped her lips tight and refused to speak over a murmur. Her smile disappeared and she resorted to nods. Her parents were sad and encouraged the use of “big girl voice for those big girl words.”

And slowly…. in her own time…. her voice grew stronger.

Only sometimes she was still too shy to use it.

But her songs came more often, her joyful abandon overtook her with more frequency.

And then, one day when her confidence was soaring high after a successful morning in big girl underwear, she looked up at her Mommy and said,

Imma tell you a story. Once uponna ti-yem, I got in my bed by myseff and Willa say, ‘How you do that, Mee-wah?’

And maybe that set of sentences strung together doesn’t mean anything to you. But to her mommy, who knows the value of a good story, they are more precious than gold. They are the words of a little girl who has flung her heart wide open to her people and has a decided she’s ready to start telling her stories to the world.

And we are oh so ready to listen…

The ~~End~~ Beginning.

Filed Under: Adoption, Family Stories
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And Then She Smiled

February 24, 2013 by LoraLynn

Mira turned three last week. We partied it up big time, but I needed to be silent for a bit here about it.

There are some moments that are so good, so sweet, you just have to hold them in your hand and stare at them again and again to believe they’re real.

We came home from Uganda with Mira just two days before her first birthday. I don’t think she smiled once, even when we gave her a cupcake. On her second birthday, she was definitely more comfortable, but she struggled to understand the cake or the singing or the crowd of loved ones around her.

But this time, y’all… she knew it. The day was HERS. The people in it were HERS. And I don’t think she quit smiling the whole day.

She reveled in her birthday balloons and her gifts. She smiled over cake-making and cake-eating. She sang, “It’s my birf-day! It’s my birf-day!” for two hours straight.

And every time the phone rang with a birthday song from loved ones or family came to give gifts and paint toes, she beamed with the joy of Being Known.

And her daddy and I haven’t really stopped shaking our heads in wonder. So forgive me if I don’t use my words any more than to just say, “Happy Birthday, Sweet Mira Jane.

We see the grace of God in the crevice of your dimple.

Thank you for sharing your smile with us every day.”

Filed Under: Adoption, Epic Birthdays
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A Beautiful Mess – Ezra’s Story

January 28, 2013 by LoraLynn

Are you ready to feel the hairs on your arm stand straight up?

Many, many moons ago while we were waiting to go get Mira, I shared with you all about another baby in need. Mira’s rescuer was trying to rescue Ezra, too, and they needed somebody to sponsor him so they could buy medicine and formula. You opened your hearts and within six minutes, Ezra had a sponsor.

But there was more to that story.

One of the readers of this little blog began pursuing an adoption of Ezra. Meanwhile, due to some legal issues, Ezra remained in a dangerous situation in the slums.

Andrew and I visited while we were in Uganda. Ezra was so tiny. He had a good strong cry, but he seemed too small.

He peed all over Andrew’s suit and tie and baptized us both in a new understanding of “the least of these.” And we thought we’d never see him again.

I lost track of Ezra’s story, but whenever I opened iPhoto on my computer, for some reason, it always opened with Ezra’s pictures at the top. And so I would whisper a prayer and hope that the sweet tiny little guy we held in Africa was ok.

And then, two days ago, I heard from Marci.

Just look at our sweet Ezra today, y’all:

His story isn’t what you think.

Marci traveled to Uganda to meet Ezra and to try to get him out of the horrible situation he was in. But the circumstances changed WHILE she was traveling and when she arrived, she met Ezra’s biological family who truly did want what was best for him and were finally in a position to take care of him. It was with great prayer and bravery that the Millers chose to leave Ezra in the care of his true family.

And on that trip to visit Ezra, Marci met her daughter-to-be, Thea.

You can read more about Ezra’s story and why they chose family preservation in this instance over at her blog. But I wanted you to see him now and to let you know that you all were a part of that story.

And the stories don’t always turn out the way you expect.

But they turn Beautiful in His hands all the same.

P.S. There’s a Beautiful Messy Story in all of us. Read our version here.

Filed Under: Adoption, Faith
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Mira Gets Dressed For the Day

December 18, 2012 by LoraLynn

Mira got fresh braids put in today. I washed and de-tangled her hair and then sweet Mrs. Jean came and braided it up. We added Christmas themed beads, much to Mira’s excitement. She couldn’t wait to look in the mirror and preen. And then she spun around and gave me a great big ol’ CHEESE for the camera.

Is it possible for a person’s heart to explode with joy? That smile… it does it to me.

She hates sitting still for all the hair fixing, but she loves the results. Just like she appreciates what a good outfit can do for one’s day. She understands my friend Abby’s concept of Dress For The Day You Want To Have.

And the kind of day Mira likes to have is a “Spinny Dress Day.”

The more ruffles and sparkles the better and (I can’t help myself), if I see one, I buy it for her. It just makes her walk a little taller, you know? And I count those Walking Tall Days in my Mommy heart. Every. One.

The words are pouring forth from her lips more and it is such a relief to hear the thoughts behind the eyes she uses to shows us her heart. She turns those orbs on us and we are lost to her joy, or sad in her depths.

There are still days when she’s sad. And sometimes we don’t know if she’s sad because she’s two and a half and life is hard when you’re two and a half… Or if her sadness runs deeper.

Even though she seems like such a Daddy’s girl, last week when I stayed in bed with the flu, she fell to pieces and ceased to function. As soon as I got out of bed, the light returned to her eyes. Note to self: never get the flu again. For a myriad of reasons.

As mothers do, I struggle with how to handle her sadness sometimes. We never want our babies to hurt. But we don’t always know if we should simply console or encourage them to choose joy.

Recently, Mira’s tears aren’t so much about sadness, they are about jealousy. She is jealous for her parents.

Did you hear that?

She’s jealous for what she feels she deserves… She’s acting like every other nearly three year old I’ve ever seen. She’s acting like part of this family.

She has a place. She knows it. And she knows how to fight for it, just like every other kid that’s ever had a sibling and parents that they like.

So now when I see her lower lip stick out and she gets possessive and clingy, I want to throw back my head and giggle.

She was always ours. But now she knows it.

Glory to Him who grows Family in the heart of a child.

Glory to Him who grows the heart of a parent to love in ways they never imagined.

And Glory to Him who makes This Smile, today and every day.

As long as she wears it, she is dressed for any day.

*Beachy photos courtesy of Southern Rose Photography

Filed Under: Adoption, Family Pictures, Mothering Thoughts
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The Cure

October 29, 2012 by LoraLynn

Last week during lunch, Mira began to cry. Andrew and I rushed to her side to discover her woes. All she could sob out was, “I scared… of monstuhs!”

I pulled her into my lap and laid her head on my chest. I felt immediately that she was just a bit too warm. Maybe not feverish, but definitely warmer than normal. Sure enough, the thermometer proved me right and off to bed she went with a small virus.

At some point, it occurred to me to marvel: I knew the way Mira’s skin should feel.

When newborn babies are placed into their mother’s arms, a marathon year of touching, holding, feeling, eating, snuggling, and attaching begins. I’ve learned to intuitively know my children by the way they feel in my arms. I know that Adam runs warm, Ellen runs cool, and the others fall somewhere in between.

I missed that first year with Mira. We’ve spent hours making up for it, snuggling and cuddling as long as she wanted. I’ve had to learn her skin, her smell, her moods, the way she acts when she’s sick. And it takes time. Those first twelve months of snuggling are so crucial.

So when I tell you that she crawled in my lap and I knew immediately she was sick, it was a victory. Obviously, I’m not glad she was sick. But I was glad I KNEW it. I knew it deep down in my Mommy Bone, the one that knows my children better than anyone else.

Later that night, Andrew snuck upstairs to give a restless, feverish Mira some medicine. He came back down with an awestruck look on his face. “I just gave her medicine. At night. And she didn’t fight me.”

Shortly after we came home, Mira had to have her tonsils removed. I was very, very sick and Andrew had to care for her by himself. Every night, he would creep upstairs to give her medicine and every night she would fight with all her might NOT to take her medicine. She would take it fine for me but if Andrew tried it, somehow, in her pain and sleepiness, she couldn’t make herself trust the Tall Guy with the Tylenol.

So the other night, when he snuck into her room and picked her up, she stiffened at first but then she opened her eyes, stared at him intently, and opened her mouth. She trusted him.

I think a parent’s attachment with a child, adopted or biological, is something that we’re always working on. It ebbs and flows some days. But, OH WHAT A GIFT, to have confirmed that the daughter of my heart has also become the daughter of my skin. To see her trust her daddy in the daytime, in the nighttime, in all of the times.

Mira feels better today and her smile has returned. And that smile of hers? It’ll cure what ails you…

Filed Under: Adoption, Mothering Thoughts
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Miracle’s Mercy

October 14, 2012 by LoraLynn

Two years ago, a man named Wilfred heard of a recently orphaned little girl in the slums of Kampala, Uganda. He went and found her and took care of her until I became her Mama.

Today, Wilfred sat in my home. I fed him soup and Southern cornbread, because it’s all this girl knows to do when she’s grateful.

*Pause for a Mommy Sob*

When he was ten, Wilfred’s family moved to the slums in Kampala. He had to change schools and there he met three other young men, who, by God’s grace, knew how to be leaders. Together, they began leading a fellowship of high school students under a mango tree. When they were 17, they began their church, which now has over 5000 members.

We visited Light the World one Sunday when we were in Uganda. It was joy-filled.

Wilfred’s passion is to minister to families and children in the slums. Together with his friends, they started a ministry called Mercy Childcare. Their goal is to take care of children and to minister to the broken families they come from. They are passionate about raising Uganda’s next generation to be leaders in their own country.

When we were in country, Wilfred drove us down hundreds of bumpy dirt roads until my eyes crossed I was so lost. He walked us out to the middle of a pasture and told us his vision for Mercy Childcare. He imagined a sustainable village that would give children from the streets experience with family life and skills they could use to earn a living.

He wanted a home for the babies to play safely, not in the streams of sewage and mud in the slums. And he was passionate that the goal be not so much about “getting kids off the streets” but helping them to never return to the streets.

We held hands and prayed over the land that Wilfred had already purchased in faith. That was a year and a half ago.

Currently, Mercy has 85 children in its care. 30 of those children live in the house that Wilfred originally built for he and his wife. When Mercy needed a building for the children in their care, Wilfred rented a smaller home for his family and moved 30 children into his family’s dream house. (This doesn’t include the 9 other children that live in the house with Wilfred and Venna. Venna likes to take care of the babies herself. She even cared for my Mira on occasion.)

Since we were in Uganda, Wilfred has finished building one of the homes on the land we prayed over. They are still working on raising the money for a fence, a borehole, and the toilets they need so they can move the babies to their own home with a married couple to care for them.

Wilfred’s vision is to build 9 more homes to hold 9 more family units of a married couple and 10 children. He will continue to help and minister to the families of children who are in Mercy’s care. With this ministry, he will be able to serve over 300 families and impact the next generation to be leaders in their country with the power to do good.

Let me be clear: Wilfred’s vision is unique. His passion is not to help all the children be adopted by American families (although sometimes, as in Mira’s case, it is the solution). His passion is to fix the broken families in Uganda. And while he helps these children, he wants them to be part of a family unit. He wants them to experience the love of a father-figure, as well as a mother, so that they can begin to heal the broken image of family in the mind of Uganda’s children.

His vision is Big. But it’s achievable.

I know sometimes it feels like we’re inundated with requests for help and donations. Needs are everywhere. But I can tell you: I’ve stood beside this man, I’ve touched the children he ministers to, I’ve seen his home and his heart for his mission. This is the real deal, y’all.

This is about giving children homes and family, security and safety. It’s about being hands and feet for Jesus who says, “Let the little children come to me.”

When Wilfred hears of a need he meets it, even if it means giving up his dream home. He doesn’t always know how to meet all the needs, but the children, they just keep coming to him and so he just keeps saying yes.

I’m so very glad he does…

********

Feel like saying yes and helping out, too?

Wilfred is collecting used iPhones or iPads while he is here in the States. He can sell them for double their worth in Uganda, effectively doubling the amount donated, and use it to build Mercy Village. If you’ve recently upgraded your iPhone or iPad and would like to give your older version to Mercy Childcare, you can email me at vitafamiliae at gmail.com. I’d love to send him home with a suitcase full of gadgets to sell!

If you want to help but don’t have any leftover electronics lying around, you can make a tax-deductible donation here.

Mercy Childcare is committed to being transparent about how your money gets spent, so you can check out their financials on their website. (Bottom left-hand corner.)

Filed Under: Adoption, Mothering Thoughts, World View
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Mira Meets The Sea

September 24, 2012 by LoraLynn

I remember sitting and dreaming about her. We were on our long-awaited getaway and I sat on our porch, stared at the ocean, and cried for three days. I could feel that I was standing on the edge of Something So Big.

And yet the baby in my dreams was tiny. And there were continents and oceans between us.

We didn’t know her name, we’d never seen her face. But I knew she was close. She was coming. And so I prayed and cried and thought about crossing the ocean to meet her.

And then we did.

She is home and she is mine. But some days, there are still soul oceans between us. Some days, her heart remembers Africa and the woman who gave her life. Some days, she and I can’t get through the waves to hold one another.

But this week, we brought her to the ocean, the one I begged God to shrink so I could get to my baby.

She delighted in the waves, she embraced the sand, and she sings at the ocean, just because she can.

And I can only raise my hands and whisper, “Glory” because He washed this Miracle up on my shores.

Linking up with the Parenthood today. Join us?

Filed Under: Adoption, Mothering Thoughts, Vitafam On Vacation
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Prayers and Podiatry

June 3, 2012 by LoraLynn

I’ve mentioned before that Mira has a “leg length discrepancy.” It means several big surgeries in her future, but for now, all it means is that she walks on her tippy-toes.

Correction: she runs/dances/twinkles/jumps on her tippy-toes. A 10 percent difference in leg lengths doesn’t slow her down one bit.

Now that she can get around just fine, her doctor wants her to have a shoe lift so that she will learn to walk on flat feet. I took Mira to get measured for her lift a few weeks ago. She did fine in the waiting room but as soon as we walked into the examining room, she burst into tears. She knows a doctor’s office when she sees one.

So it was with dread and trepidation that we set off yesterday to pick up her shoes. We asked several friends to pray for us and for Mira during that time. I hate seeing my girl sad and scared and nothing makes her revert back to the sad little girl we brought home a year and a half ago than a trip to the doctor’s office.

We were ushered back to the room immediately. Mira was tense, but I let her hold on to the iPad and our technician promised her he wouldn’t touch her. He just handed me the shoe and I tried to put it on her foot.

Tried is the operative word.

In the two weeks we waited for her lift to be made, she outgrew her shoes. Hooray for good nutrition!

I asked the tech if this meant I’d have to pay for a second lift to be made. The tech offered to get his manager.

A few minutes later, this big hulk of a man walked into our room. He shook my hand and then began speaking to Mira. “Let me see your shoes, Princess.”

She obligingly held up her foot, which surprised me. She wasn’t smiling, but she wasn’t crying either. Progress.

Mr. Manager reached out to touch Mira’s shoe and she fell apart. Before her tears had even hit her cheek, and before I could stop him, this big man scooped her up into his arms and laid her on his chest. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay. We’re going to fix it. You’re alright.”

He laid her back to look up at him and wiped her tears from her face.

He spoke to me while keeping his eyes on Mira, “We won’t charge you for the next lift. We’ll fix it for free, okay?”

I’m not sure who was charming who but it was working out in our favor.

The panic in my chest that hit when he first picked her up began to abate.

Mira obliged the room with her cooperation while they measured again and discussed the best way to even her out. She wouldn’t smile at anyone, but she would wave, give them five, and even whisper a “thank you” when they reassured us they would make things right.

We left the office and made a flying trip to a nearby shoe store for a pair of shoes that fit. (The shoe store is nearby, but since I still get completely lost in this town, it took us awhile to actually arrive.) Fortunately, I had a friend with me to help with Finn. (The rest of the kids were at home with Andrew.) I nursed the baby in the car while she went to grab us lunch and then we went back downtown to drop off the new shoes.

It was a crazy and chaotic morning, but my Mira was peaceful. After she was properly bear hugged, she never complained or whimpered when others touched her feet or picked her up without my permission. (Trust me, I was RIGHT THERE to reach for her if she needed me. My inner Mama Bear was on high alert.) She just played with my iPhone or ate her grilled cheese or took a catnap in her carseat, all without a word.

When we pulled into the driveway at last, she went inside and greeted her people. And then she sang and danced her little heart out for the rest of the afternoon. She didn’t pout, she didn’t have a “sad day.” She never said another word about it.

That’s the power of prayer, y’all. Can I get a Hallelujah?

Filed Under: Adoption, Faith, Family Stories
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So You Want To Adopt?

April 26, 2012 by LoraLynn

On occasion, I get questions from friends and readers about adoption. I’m always happy to answer them via email, but in case you’ve wondered and never asked, I thought I’d share a few of the most popular questions and answers here.

What agency did you use? We didn’t. At the time, it was fairly easy to do without an agency in Uganda. From my understanding of the situation now, that is no longer the case.

I want to adopt but my spouse isn’t on board. Wait. Adoption is about families, not about one person. Put the matter to prayer, ask for God to change your heart or theirs. But there’s no amount of statistics, preaching, or books that will convince someone who isn’t ready.

I want to adopt but we can’t afford it.

That’s a lie.

I could tell countless stories of God’s provision for families who are brave enough to say “Yes, we’ll adopt.” I could even show you bank statements that would make adoption an actual impossibility. And I can point to their adoptive children and tell you that God is bigger than bank statements.

A few things to keep in mind: there are grants and loans galore available to adoptive families. We received an Abba Fund loan, which is interest free. Furthermore, there is still currently a tax refund for completed adoptions. It takes awhile to see this money, but it comes eventually.

You don’t have to have all the money at once. The expenses come in bits and pieces, a thousand bucks here, another two hundred there. By the time you travel you’ll need a bit more in your pocket, but this is where God often gets a chance to show off. (For proof, refer to our story.)

Strangers and friends alike want to help. Some people care for orphans by adopting, while others stand beside and support with care, money, or prayer. Don’t be afraid to do some fundraising. (P.S. Want to help other adoptive families? Do some shopping on our Home for Christmas list.)

Please hear me: I’m not saying there aren’t legitimate reasons why you can’t adopt. I’m saying money shouldn’t be one of them. And if you can’t adopt, there are so many other ways you can help children find families.

How should we prepare for our adoption?

We found a few other families who were waiting to adopt and formed a small study group. We went through the book “Created to Connect” together. Talking through the book with other families was so helpful because we had a point of reference when we all brought our children back. A simple, “I’m really having a Chapter 8 issue this week” would be enough to let my friends know I needed chocolate STAT.

(The most recent addition to our group arrived on American soil yesterday. Go here to read about it. Take tissue.)

The Created For Care conference I went to this year was great and would have been helpful before we brought Mira home. Just networking with other women on the same journey was very encouraging.

I know many people don’t have access to as many other families who are adopting in their town, but the internet can be used for good! There are facebook groups, blogs, and websites that can connect you to others who can encourage you. I spent hours conversing with people online about Uganda and adoption before we ever filled out a single form. They were able to honestly and lovingly prepare us for the road ahead.

What else do we need to know?

I’ve said it many times but it always bears repeating: Adoption hurts. We need adoption because there is sin in the world. Consequently, the “system” is flawed. It will break your heart. Just because you want to help orphans by bringing home a child doesn’t mean things will go well. In fact, because you care, more than likely, it will feel like everyone and everything is thwarting you.

You will be refined and stretched beyond comfort. There’s no epidural that will get you through the ache of waiting for your child.

The first year after you come home is way harder than you ever imagined. But it isn’t anybody’s fault. It’s simply the by-product of building trust, relationship, and family where there wasn’t any.

Love and hold your children twice as much as you want to. They need it in quadruple.

And then, one day, I promise, you blink and the clouds shift. You don’t feel like an adoptive family any more, you just feel like somebody’s mom, somebody’s dad. All the forms, the plane tickets, the discussions with the embassy, the signatures required… they fade away and all that’s left is family.

And isn’t that the whole point?

Filed Under: Adoption
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