My grandparents came by for a short visit on Wednesday.
Naturally, then, Sam and I came down with a stomach bug that night. I really love my grandparents, y’all, but my small brood is trying to kill them with germs, plagues, and ailments. Fingers crossed Nana and Great-daddy don’t get this bug.
Because it’s a BAD ONE.
Andrew managed to stay healthy for about 8 hours after I finished a dramatic rendition of “I’m dying, please help me, somebody kill me” in the bathroom. Then he succumbed to the Black Plague. Ian was about two heaves behind. So, of course, Adam sweetly waited until about 3 am to start his love affair with the bucket.
It truly was only by the Grace of God that any of us survived that night. I know that because I shouldn’t have been able to walk much but instead I was kept busy most of the night running from bathroom to couch to bed, distributing wash rags, kleenex, and buckets.
I washed so many buckets we ran out of dishwashing soap.
Ellen and Willa had the bug earlier, so they remained miraculously unaffected. Andrew and I resorted to TV baby-sitting for 9 hours a day. The whole gang sat in the living room, sickest ones on the couch with buckets.
At some point we gave up using plates and just tossed toast and crackers in their general direction. Willa contentedly grazed off the floor for nearly three days straight.
Parents of the Year. That’s us. And, yes, the ENTIRE living room floor looked pretty much like that.
Andrew and I took turns being the strong one and eventually we got all the bedding stripped and a pile of laundry taller than my washing machine ready to burn clean. The next day, about the time we got all the bathrooms scrubbed and things aired out, Ian and Adam started throwing up. Again.
It was at this point we began to lose heart.
We think it was just because we gave them peanut butter too soon. Conversations on twitter have confirmed from others that this particular stomach bug does not allow for much actual eating for several days. Makes menu planning easy for me, I guess.
We now have a routine. Andrew sets the timer on his watch and lets Adam and Ian take sips of water every five minutes. The alarm goes off, Andrew shouts “TAKE A SIP!” and everyone drinks on cue. The entire family will now drink on command. No one goes anywhere without a bucket. And if you cough for any reason, you must yell out, “Just a cough!” within five seconds or be held accountable. And if it’s not just a cough, you’re pretty much responsible for making that known, too.
So, um, unless you’re interested in a crash diet where you can lose 6 pounds in 4 hours, I suggest you stay away from the House of Vitafam this week. However, if you do come by, please remember: He who coughs unnecessarily shall be punished.
Our sanity depends on it.
2.28.2010
You have arrived as the parent of a large family when you can make a write up of the plague sound funny. I don’t think I’m there yet. But I am praying for all of you.
2.28.2010
You. Poor. Things.
When you have to throw crusts in the general direction of your children AND sip on cue, you know it’s bad.
*Cough*
Just a COUGH! I promise.
2.28.2010
blah, no fun. Sorry for the sickies. Praying for you. Have you tried giving them the peach juice from canned (gasp!) peaches? The doc recommended that because the pectin helps coat their little tummies. I would say that I am thankful we have only had the stomach flu come through our house once in our parenting career, but I won’t say that because then the stomach flu will hit our house tomorrow. So, I won’t say it. Just ignore what I wrote here.
2.28.2010
Oh dear. You have made it to the big time … survived 5000 people all throwing up in the house at the same time. At least it feels like 5000 and I’ll never believe differently.
2.28.2010
Ew. Um, I was going to ask to come for a visit this week, but, uh, not so much. Much love, Vitafam.
3.1.2010
Oh, you poor things! I hope you’re all better now! We’ve all had that too - three of us had it twice, with a week between bouts each, and I’ve got a theory about why that is, but I won’t be sharing it here because my theory is almost as gross as the bug itself. Al and I did like you did - we lay on the floor in a heap for two days, tossing Cheez Its out on the floor at regular intervals. Bean got so used to our frantic queries every time she headed toward the bathroom that she’s still shouting over her shoulder on her way in there, “Don’t worry I’m fine I just hafta go potty!” and Peabody thinks we’ve changed his name to, “Just take a sip of this PediaLyte - it’s yummy.” Let’s hope we’ve all seen the last of this one!
3.1.2010
Oh, no…what an awful bug! Thankfully we haven’t had one of those in quite a while. I’ll be praying that you’re all back to your *normal* Vitafam selves very soon!
3.1.2010
We have so been there… Fortunately, the “death” stomach bug only hit me and had me out for a week straight. The kids had it and were up and running. I’m praying that we are done with out third round (since January) of a stomach bug. It’s been 24 hours since anyone has gotten sick with it.
3.1.2010
The sickest ones sit on the couch? I guess since you have hard floors you have to let them sit somewhere soft. We spread out a “towel zone” on the floor, where the sick kid lays down, and if they miss the bucket, we just scoop up the towel and toss it in the wash. And yes, if a cough is heard we are immediately on puke alert. I wonder if that will ever stop?
3.1.2010
I am so so sorry! If you need us to drive by and toss groceries in your yard or any supplements or anything like that, please do not hesitate to ask!
3.1.2010
praying y’all get well soon! Love to all.
3.1.2010
Lora Lynn - love your blog. Have especially appreciated all your “This Is How We Do It” posts, since I am a young mom of three 3 and under (more on the way).
So sorry you guys are so sick! My boys both have really sensitive stomachs and after their first bout with the stomach flu I have the following hard-and-fast rule, which so far has worked every time against a pro-longed, multi-day vomiting problem: wait 24 entire hours from the time of the last throw-up before introducing ANY solids, and at least 6 hours before starting fluids. It’s so pitiful to endure their pleas for food for that long, but when I didn’t do that, I had 7 and 9 days of on-and-off throwing up with them b/c their stomach lining just couldn’t handle it. Don’t know if that helps, but I thought I’d throw it out there!
Stomach flu is the worst. Blessings to you guys!!!
3.1.2010
This sounds so miserable, friend. I can’t believe you managed to string a sentence together for this post!
Hope things are getting better over there…
3.1.2010
Ugh. I’m very sorry for you all. I have it too, and right now it’s just mine. Oh, how I hope it stays that way.
3.1.2010
“And if you cough for any reason, you must yell out, “Just a cough!” within five seconds or be held accountable. And if it’s not just a cough, you’re pretty much responsible for making that known, too.”
Oh my word. Laughing out loud here. How you keep your sense of humor through so much puke is beyond me. Hang in there Mama!
3.1.2010
Oh no! That is the worst! Seriously, when you have more than 1 or 2 kids a stomach virus can just about do a family in. I pray it ends soon for you guys! Glad you can see the humor in it because that is key to surviving!
3.2.2010
LL,
I am so sorry ya’ll are so sick. Praying for you!!
3.2.2010
I know it was NOT funny…but you are so funny describing it! I was absolutely cracking up at the picture of Willa sitting there with the crackers and toast on the floor. The picture in my head of ya’ll just throwing food to them on the floor is hilarious! I so hope no one gets sick again! Who transferred this terrible bug to you all? They should be PUNISHED!
3.3.2010
that was the awesomest description of a vomit fest I have ever heard.