Adoption will break your heart.
Obviously, our hearts were broken enough by the plight of 150 million orphans for us to begin the process of bringing one home. But the journey itself is destructive and rejuvenating all at once.
For one thing, that piggy bank that we’ve held so tightly has been smashed to smithereens. Last December was a very tight month for us. Very. tight. I waited, impatiently shuffling my feet on the inside, wondering what God would do.
He didn’t send a big check. He sent us three little ones. Each for thirty dollars.
We laughed and shook our heads. Because the provision was perfection. It wasn’t too much. It wasn’t the one check I dream of that will end our scrimping and scraping. It was just exactly enough. It bridged the gap from paycheck to paycheck.
So we breathed a sigh of relief and then went back to the inward impatience, the shuffling of feet and the shuffling of pennies from account to account. Our children have not suffered a moments loss. Mostly, Andrew and I have suffered wounded pride as we’ve been faced with tougher decisions, denial of self, and fewer date nights.
Just when we’d begin to panic, a check would arrive in the TUH-DUH nick of time. Not too much. Just enough. And, oh, how we would rejoice in the just enough! Emails and texts have flown, shouting God’s glory in the Provision of the Little Things.
To ease the pain of waiting, we tell ourselves “just a few more weeks and then we can relax.” But the raise and commission check doesn’t come and neither does the phone call from Africa. So we wait more. Resting in the “just enough.”
Today, while Sam and I struggled through yet another reading lesson, Andrew silently handed me an unmarked envelope. A typed letter, written anonymously, wishing us love and wanting to help us “bring our sweet baby home” accompanied a handful of cash.
It was, as is God’s way, just enough, in the TUH-DUH, nick of time.
I cried. I’m crying still. We walk around with our hearts broken for a child we do not know and a country we’ve never seen. Our pride and our bank account have taken crushing blows. We are weak. And waiting.
Waiting for Him to provide. Waiting for Him to lovingly remind us, in the smallest yet most beautiful of Grand Gestures, that our broken pieces, no matter how jagged the edges, are held tightly in His oh-so-capable hands. He has given us this journey, with its brokenness and its unlovely. He has not forgotten. And He has given us so many people to love us and walk this walk with us, either in short bursts or for the long haul.
So thank you, dear friends, anonymous or otherwise, for your love and support. We are honored and grateful to share this journey with you.
More deep thoughts over at Chatting at the Sky.
2.18.2010
I LOVE THIS!! I am crying now too, well I am making myself not cry because it will only make my sinus headache worse.
He is providing for His child!!!
2.18.2010
Praise God for his provision! NEVER what we think it will be but ALWAYS perfect.
Crying along with you.
(Joining you in awaiting word from Africa about my two nieces…)
2.18.2010
We’re not adopting (yet), but I can totally relate to this post on all other levels. Praising our Provider-God!
2.18.2010
Pieces make the parts of the hearts that wait. Boy, do I know the just enough story. It has sustained us through both adoptions. Through the threat of bankruptcy and medical bills of burden. The watching and waiting–sounds like labor to me, friend. Remember to breathe. He is your Breath of Life.
2.18.2010
Your post brought tears to my eyes and more importantly, a stop to my thoughts because oh, how I so often forget and worry and worry and worry. It IS all perfect in God’s timing.
PS have you considered putting ads on your blog as only a temporary measure? I follow so many blogs with them that I hardly notice anymore and truly, it may bring a bit of a cushion right now.
2.18.2010
We are in the adoption process also and it is hard to wait. And it is also humbling to see the bank account go down. God is the Provider and all we can do is keep looking to Him. That’s a good place to be.
2.18.2010
While reading this it makes me want to adopt. I pray that your journey will be blessed.
2.18.2010
Crying with you as we celebrate God’s provision in the lives of your family.
2.19.2010
love you guys and am praising God for His mighty provision that keeps us seeking Him above all! Walking with you and praying as you wait to bring home your little one from across the sea.
sniff-sniff…((hugs))jen in al
2.19.2010
God is so GOOD!
2.22.2010
I’m sure this is going to sound really weird…in fact, you’ll probably think I’m crazy, but ever since I read this post, I’ve been thinking about your family.
Here’s the deal. I have been reading your blog for over a year. Last year I moved to Birmingham and secretly thought to myself…”maybe you’ll run into the Vitafamiliae one day.” Well, that hasn’t happened…or, at least, I don’t think it’s happened.
If that isn’t weird enough, read on. I’m a single girl and love to baby-sit. A LOT. I do it as often as I can. It’s not my regular job..I have one of those that I love, but I do it as often as I can for as many couples as I can because I see it as a ministry. My way to give back to families.
That being said, I would love nothing more than to be able to give you and your hubby a date night out where you don’t have to pay for a sitter.
I know you have no idea who I am…I mean, what kind of baby-sitter makes comments on blogs to beg to take care of kids anyway? There’s a possibility that you’ll read this and laugh..or maybe delete it because you’re scared…but I just couldn’t get the stirring sensation out of my heart.
Whether I hear from you or not, know that you’re being lifted up in prayer and that I will continue to be a daily reader and occasional commender.
Blessings!
2.22.2010
Thank you so much for sharing. It is so encouraging to read about your journey and your perseverance.
2.23.2010
Missy pointed you out to me and I’m so glad she did. We just went through the adoption journey almost two years ago and it was the most amazingly blessed roller coaster I have ever been on. God is so good. And He is ALWAYS on time.
you will be in my prayers,
Deirdre
2.23.2010
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. Your family is in my prayers. This is the first time I have stopped by your blog and I am so glad that I did. I am in a season of my life that I can so relate to your statement “and then went back to the inward impatience”. I needed to be reminded to give my inward impatience to God and He will take care of all the details.
2.23.2010
I can almost hear God saying “sit back, I’ve got this”…praying for your family!
2.23.2010
Wow. This is so beautifully written, and so RIGHT. ON.
In “His oh-so-capable hands.” Just where we need things to be. Thank you for the reminder.
2.23.2010
Beautiful post - we too are in the adoption process and have witnessed God’s provision. It has been an exciting journey. I am always blessed to hear stories of others on similar paths - thanks for sharing!
2.23.2010
“Just enough” is the story of my life. So many seasons we have lived off faith and the “just enough” He would provide in the most unexpected ways, each time a reminder that He is our provider. May it continue to be so for you.
2.23.2010
Wonderful post! We are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia and I totally feel what you said about “hearts broken for a child we do not know and a country we’ve never seen.” So well-put about an emotion you cannot understand until you live it!
2.23.2010
I hear you. I feel your struggle - we have been there (when we adopted our son from Guatemala over 2 years ago) and now as we have been pursuing a domestic adoption for over a year and 1/2.
I am learning that this season of waiting is a gift in my life. Painful, heartbreaking, and sometimes I feel so weary but HE has changed me - drawn me to Himself and opened my eyes to things I had never seen before. He is AMAZING!
Praying for you tonight!
2.23.2010
So happy to have found this post. We are days away (although we’ve been saying that for a couple of months…) for the call to go to Korea and pick up our 3rd little. And today we found out our oldest little has cavities that need to be filled and I felt so embarrassed to have the kid with the cavities and so perplexed at the resulting $500 bill and trying to figure logistics out with just one car, since the other car is in the shop with a $400 bill. And we have tickets to buy. And we’ll buy them. We can. But seriously, I had that moment of - what happened to our savings? Well, I’ll tell you what happened - Calvin, Ruby and Silas. This is a journey that you can only understand if it’s one that you have lived. Why am I writing an entire book? Because I have found a narrow thread of understanding in your post. And encouragement. God provides, each and every time. Blessings to you!
-Shannan
2.24.2010
After a couple of days of struggles, a few more of discouragements and waitings and unlovelies, and a few months of just enoughs, without “date nights,” this was a lovely thing for me to read today. “Our [sister]hood throughout the world are experiencing the same sufferings” and God is coming through, and sometimes that’s all we need to know.
Thank you! xCC
2.25.2010
Oh I love this post so much - thanks for sharing!