Breakable

I broke 3 ornaments in 60 seconds yesterday. I kid you not. Drop. Crash. Dust pan. All Clean…. Drop. Crash. Dust pan. All clean… Drop. *growl* Crash. *cuss* Dust pan. *mutters* All clean…

So I guess the kids decided to follow my example today. They broke three things before 9 am. And that was just a warm-up. By lunchtime, they’d knocked over a table and tossed my laptop. I was a twitchy basket case. I took myself to my room for a time out. Sam interrupted me a few minutes later to let me know he’d stopped up the potty. We averted an overflow by seconds.

It’s the small miracles…

I went back to my room to hyperventilate into a paper bag. At some point, I decided that the best way to redeem the day was to go and just hang out with the twins while the others were still sleeping. You know, be a fun mom and all. So I pulled on my Big Girl Panties and headed out to the playroom…

…Where I discovered that the boys had gotten scissors without permission (a cardinal sin) and cut all the ornaments off the tiny Christmas tree I let them have in their playroom. Cut them off. Turns out, the afternoon wasn’t so redeemable after all.

Later, there was a broken stick horse, some damaged clothing, crayon carnage, and destruction of Mommy’s special pens, all to the tune of Willa’s unbroken wailing. I picked her up and decided to just snuggle my baby. “My baby” looked me in the eye and ripped a piece of paper in two while I held her.

I’ll bet she was surprised when I dumped her on the floor.

That night at dinner, Andrew read the story of Jesus telling his disciples to “believe like the little child.” Meanwhile, Adam pulled on Andrew’s sleeve insistently to inform him that one of the candles on the table was broken. (We eat by candlelight in December.) I reassured him, “It’s alright, honey. Mommy has another candle to fix it with.”

And then I believe I had what is called “a moment of clarity.” My children don’t mind breaking things because they think I can fix it. Andrew very capably fixed every object they broke this morning. Which is why it made sense to Ian to bring his snipped ornaments to me and expect me to tie each thread back together. He believed I would fix it.

Jesus said I was supposed to believe just like that. Even though I know that a square peg can’t go in a round hole, even though I know my fingers aren’t nimble enough to tie all those threads back together, I’m supposed to believe that He Who Is Bigger can fix it.

There are things that are broken that I’m fretting over. I don’t see how to make them right. I don’t know how they will ever be fixed. And they might not get “fixed” the way I expect or in my timetable. Just like I make the kids wait until Mommy finds the super glue or until Daddy comes home, God has his own reasons for fixing things when He chooses.

Maybe the point is not in the fixing. Maybe I’m supposed to learn how to let those breakables slide on through my fingertips. Maybe I’m supposed to learn not to fear the crash.

My kids sure don’t fear it. They may even revel in a good smash or three. Because they believe in the Grown-Up. They believe in the Bigger Than Me.

And they even Run with Sharp Objects, just for good measure.

Looking for some good reads this weekend? Go check out the Saturday Evening Blog Post over at Three’s A Crowd.

Erin

12.2.2009

This is amazingly good stuff Lora. Thank you.

Amy

Great analogy. Thanks for sharing.

mamabeck

12.3.2009

Very timely. A blessing for me to read this morning. Thank you.
Beck

Brook

Funny you should write this, I just got finished sweeping up a million slivers of what once was a hand blown glass choo-choo train that hung on my tree. Thanks for putting it all into perspective. Love you friend!

Joanna

Thank you.

Corinne

Oh I love this. I can relate on so many levels (first, of course, putting myself in a closed room for a timeout on days where everything seems broken) But the believing is the important thing. Thank you for illustrating it in such a beautifully way!

ali

Awesome! You are a wonderful writer! Thanks for the deep thoughts!

~ Ali

Elle

I’ve always said that Husband and I had a perfect arrangement: I break it and he fixes it. The most significant crisis of our lives was realizing when the broken couldn’t be fixed at all. Which is exactly when my moment of clarity occurred as well. It is God’s to fix. To restore. To redeem. And He does the most blessed job of all.

Thanks for the blessing of this reminder.

Miscellaneous From Missy

12.5.2009

LL, I am very thankful that God gave you that moment of clarity to pass on to the internet, and I’m thankful that He put me here today to read it. It’s 12:25 AM, and I’ve been putting off going to bed because I have so much on my mind — all of the crashes that I hear coming. But God used you to remind me, thinking the way I have been is pride. I need to return to childhood and trust the Grown-Up.

So now, I’m off to bed with a sleepy heart.

Did I mention, THANK YOU!

I’m serious.

Well…I’ll go to bed after I read your post one more time.