My brother and sister stopped by for a visit tonight. Noah commented on our floors, “These are high-end laminates, right?”
I snorted, “Well, they were high-end when we moved in. The second our kids hit the door that ‘high-end’ label was null and void.”
And it’s true. There are holes in the wood flooring (artfully covered by brown crayon), crayon drawings on the wall, a suspicious smell in the boys’ bathroom, and our screened porch is only partially screened in now. And no one has done her part to aid in this systematic destruction more than this child:
Saturday, Andrew and I had the TV on for the kids while we got ready for the day in our room. The sounds of Ellen screaming and wailing brought us running into the living room. This is what we saw:
Ellen was lying on the floor next to the carnage. Apparently, she got Andrew’s coffee off the kitchen counter and walked it through the playroom into the living room (no doubt stealing a sip or two, she’s a real coffee-lover) before she tripped on my power cord and went sprawling. The carnage was far and wide.
See how far down the hall that coffee went? Now check out how high on the walls it was.
See the coffee dripping down the beige wall next to the door? That’s flat paint right there. And do you know what coffee does to flat paint? It stains. Yea, that’s right. Our two year old managed to get coffee stains on our walls, all the way up to the ceiling.
Is it any wonder I was at Lowe’s within the hour, finally committing myself to colors for our living room?
4.6.2009
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *****gggaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssssssssppp*** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Of course, I am laughing with you. If you aren’t laughing yet, you will be in another few, um, well, at some point you will laugh.
On a more in-the-now supportive note, I can help you with the painting. You paint and I will watch the kids. How’s that?
4.7.2009
That nearly made me laugh my tea through my nose. You’re a dangerous woman. And her little sailor suit made me melt.
4.7.2009
Now, how in the SAM HILL did she do that?
Never mind. I won’t pretend to understand the destructive talents of a 2 year old. I have a pretty talented one in my house, too.
Enjoy painting.
4.7.2009
Oh. My. Word. It never ceases to amaze me how dang far liquid can splash/splatter when in the hands of a child. I’m so glad she wasn’t burned!
4.7.2009
Poor baby - that must have been quite a fall to spread that level of carnage!
Poor mommy and daddy - I’m so glad I haven’t had to clean a mess like that up (yet)!
4.7.2009
Now is the time to put into practice the saying in our family… If it will be funny later it is funny now. That is so funny… you’ll love those pictures in a few years.
Can you let me know how you get the watermark on your photos? I’d like to do that to mine…
By the way, I have a 4 year old boy, which paired with your urchin would give them children worthy of all they are putting us through right now… want to make a betrothal?!?!
4.7.2009
This is why when we just painted out living room, dining room, kitchen. I went to the paint store and said, “I want scrubbable, non stainable, easy to wipe everything off paint, please.”
On a side note, it is impressive how far the coffee was splattered.
4.7.2009
oh no, not flat paint! i’m cracking up at aubreys comment=) it was a nice color too=) if you don’t want to change it maybe you can color match it but use eggshell or maybe even high gloss, haha. jk. glad babygirl and the cup are ok=)
4.7.2009
I’m a little ashamed to say that I giggled. Ellen is going to keep y’all on your toes for a long, long time!
I have a friend whose two-year-old found a jar of Vick’s Vapor Rub and smeared the whole thing all over one of her upholstered chairs Saturday. Nice.
4.7.2009
I laughed and laughed. (Sorry.) The CEILING!!! That is impressive. As a fellow flat-painted-wall owner, I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I cannot convince my husband that painting with glossy will prevent all manner of evil. Instead, he insists that we re-paint only AFTER the children are married and gone. But I am so glad you are stirred to paint now. I can’t wait to see the new colors. Please, no beige!
4.7.2009
PS> Did you get my pun? Or was it so corny that only I got it? “Stirred to paint.” Well, I’m laughing.
4.7.2009
no way.
Oh, I just don’t know. I’d probably cry. But I’m selling a house so of course I would.
Looking forward to seeing your paint choices!
4.7.2009
I had my hand over my mouth!!! That little Ellen is quite impressive!
4.7.2009
[...] Talk Jendi on You Know It’s A Good Day When Somebody’s Pants Come Offthefarmerfiles on The Systematic Destruction Of Our HomeAli on Our Pile of StonesAli on Our Pile of StonesRachel on The Systematic Destruction Of Our [...]
4.7.2009
AEECH. Bubbalu just etched/wrote/scratched ink pen into the entire length of the windowsil…the BIG front picture windowsil.
Mama was NOT happy.
But like I’ve heard for years, you’re kids will destroy your house
happy painting! We’ll be sanding and staining
4.8.2009
Wow! That is pretty impressive. Let me guess, you’re not going to be coming home with flat paint, right?
4.9.2009
I think Ellen and Maggie are twins. Yesterday, Maggie woke up the baby, cracked an egg on a chair, colored on the cabinets with a paint pen, and poured water on the floor. And that was all in about 10 minutes.
4.12.2009
[...] In a moment of invention, I grabbed some undelivered thank-you notes that were supposed to be given out before our move two years ago and ripped them open. (To the three girls in Virginia who never got your notes, my apologies. Whatever you did, I’m grateful. And yes, I really should clean out the van.) I pulled out the cards and replaced them with a handful of nuts in each envelope. Another trip to the backseat and dinner was served. (Ellen had her nuts in Andrew’s morning coffee cup, which, no doubt, suited her just fine.) [...]
8.3.2009
[...] noticed or not, but… we have kids. They leave their mark on everything. Remember the coffee on the ceiling? It’s still [...]