Vitafamiliae

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 - In which I’ve stepped up on my soap box and can’t find my way down…

6 - Take Care Of You - You’ve accepted this job.  You’re grateful for it.  You want to do your best.  That means taking care of yourself.

Physically… I discovered that my blow-ups, my inability to cope with the Chaos, happened at the same time every day when I was hungry.  If I keep my blood sugar under control my blood pressure stays put.   I made a little room in our budget for some cashews and I keep a bowl out on the counter.  I can grab a handful on my way through the kitchen to track down the naked baby who just crawled outside.  And I’ve always got chocolate peanut butter on hand for serious emergencies.

Everyone knows Mommies don’t get sick days.  And a sick Mommy is never the best version of herself.  Keep up your fluids, get enough sleep, take your vitamins… It seems so daunting some days when we’re not even allowed to go the bathroom when we want to, but this is a priority.  It’s not just about you, it’s about your family and they NEED you to be at the top of your game.

Mentally… I find that I have a better attitude about my days if I feel better about myself.  I try to wear my nice clothes for my family.  I have a shower every morning.  Whatever you need to make you feel like the best version of YOU, make it happen. (We aren’t the Real Housewives of Reality TV, folks.  I’m not saying we ditch our kids for weekly spa days, I’m talking about general health and well-being, ok?)

If you’re an avid reader, who do you read?  Are you reading people who complain about their lives, their kids, their spouses?  Or are you reading books and blogs that challenge you, encourage you, help you keep your sense of humor (shameless plug inserted here)?  What sort of attitudes do you cultivate by the shows you watch, music you listen to, media you plug-in with?  These things affect us, and we have to take control of them for the sake of our sanity and our families.

Emotionally… Are you protective of your emotional energy?  I sometimes have to distance myself from complicated relationships, simply because they sap me of my ability to give my family what they need.   It doesn’t mean I’m unkind to people, but I have to set boundaries when outside relationships encroach on my responsibility to my family.

Protect your time.  Learn to say NO.  When you slow down the pace of your life, you find you won’t need to run away as often.  There’s nothing wrong with running away every now and then, but it should be the exception, not the habit.

I’d like to add something about this “learning to say no,” thing.  There are so many great opportunities of things to do with our kids.  There are music lessons, sports, art, play dates, etc.  And our kids benefit from these outings.  NO CHILD, however, benefits from a strung out Mommy.  If you are saying “yes” to ANY activity that wears you out or makes you yell by the end of the day, you are doing your children a huge disservice.  They won’t remember their ballet recitals, their pool days, their ball games nearly as much as they will remember YOU.  They will remember how you spoke, how you acted, how you loved them.  Sometimes I have to say no to good things that I want to do in favor of what is BEST for me and my family.  It hurts.  But we’re looking for a good return on a long-term investment.

Spiritually… This is a tough season of life for our faith because we have such immediate demands on our time.  But it is also the time we need to be on our faces in prayer.  God is using this time in our lives to stretch us, mold us, make us better.   And He is the source of all comfort when we are overwhelmed or feeling inadequate.  Leave a Bible open somewhere where you pass by often so you can catch a verse or two.  Play worship music during the day.  Play the audio Bible during the day.  Put everybody on the Velcro Wall (aka nap time) and spend some time being still before your Father who loves you and holds you in His hand every single moment of every single insane day.

Right now, our personal investment in this life is intense.  I’m pouring out like crazy over here.  And I know you are too, Weary Mamas.  But some day, when this season is gone, I want to look back on these days with satisfaction that I was well and truly SPENT in the best way possible.

I’m waiting to hear my kids and husband rise up and call me blessed.  I’m looking forward to the “well done, good and faithful servant” part.  But I’m going to revel in the here and now, too.  These days are too important, too special, too utterly ridiculous not to enjoy.

And thanks, everybody, for the privilege of sharing my Ridiculous with you and your precious little eyeballs.

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And that’s all I have to say about that.  I swear.  Now give me some of YOUR best tips for taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

Continuing our discussion on staying positive in the World of Little People and Pandemonium today.  But first, please, go read the comments on yesterday’s post.  They’re way better than anything I have to say.

5 - Don’t Let Them See You Sweat, Let Them See You Pray. Ok, I’m going to be honest.  This one gets me.  My pint-sized mentor threw this at me a few months ago and I’ve been wrestling with it ever since.  She challenged me to not show my exasperation when I find the kids soaking in the fountain right before nap time.  To not blow my top when the kids disobey every rule we’ve ever had in a five minute period.  To not scream and cry when someone writes on the walls… again.

Ridiculous notion, right?

My kids take their cues from me.  And oftentimes, I get misread.  They confuse my frustration with circumstances for anger AT them.  Just like if my husband comes in from work frustrated over his commission check and I assume he’s mad at me because dinner isn’t ready.  Happens all the time.  (I mean, not here, of course, but in general.  I always have dinner ready…Hee.)

And let’s be really honest here.  Blowing off steam?  Showing my exasperation?  It’s an ineffective means of parenting.  It doesn’t work. I might feel better for a minute, but we all know the guilt that soon follows.  And the damage that is done to relationships when we speak in haste and anger.

I am the first to admit, staying calm feels impossible.  But here’s the thing:  We ask that our children exercise a lot of self-control.  Heck, that’s mostly what all of this parenting and training is about, teaching them how to control themselves and not act like the animals that they are.  But I think sometimes we cut ourselves too much slack as parents, especially when we’re dealing with younger children who are physically overwhelming but have short attention spans that allow them to forget our crimes against them.  We excuse ourselves from demonstrating the same self-control that we vociferously demand from our small children.

It makes us hypocrites.   And it devastates our relationships with these people that we love.  Now please see Rule Number 4.

What if we raise the standard for ourselves, not as disciplinarians, as homemakers, or as homeschoolers, but in “loving our neighbors/pint-sized people we live with?”  What if we raise the bar impossibly high for ourselves?  Can we get through 2 hours without losing our cool?  4 hours?  24 hours?

I fail in this daily, people.  I’m not claiming to have achieved perfection.  But I think expecting more of myself, exerting more self-control than I feel I ought to have, has improved my ability to be kind.  To be nice to my kids.  To stay calm.  And when I screw up, I ask for forgiveness and I rest in the mercy and grace that God gives us when we goof it up.  But I think it’s time we ask more, try harder, expect better from ourselves.  And totally throw ourselves into prayer over this. one. thing.

And when I don’t feel calm?  When I feel my eyes bulging and my heart racing?  I fake it. I want to scream.  But I pretend I’m going for an Emmy nomination and I bat my eyelashes a bit to hide the eyeballs that want to roll up in my head and sweetly say, “Son, we don’t cut electrical cords when they’re plugged into outlets.  Are you hurt?”

See how once the behavior was quickly and quietly halted, I began with concern over his well-being, not concern over the obvious malfunction of his brain?  Start with the relationship!!  Once I ascertained if he was okay, it was safe for me to ask for a few minutes to cool down and pray.  I’ve been known to just sit the child in front of me while I breathed and prayed, sometimes out loud.  Or, if I’ve felt it was safe, I’ve gone to my room for some chocolate and prayer.

It’s not a bad to let them see you pray or hear you cry out for some Holy Help as you head for the next disaster.  I remember parking the car in the driveway one day, knowing that we still had the lunchtime and naptime drill ahead of us.  I was hungry and tired and the kids were wild and I felt a twitch behind my left eye.  I didn’t say a word, just plunked my forehead down on the steering wheel.  The van went totally silent.  When I picked my head back up, Ian wanted to know what I was doing.  I told him I was praying for all of us that we would work together well when we went inside.  “Oh.  Okay, Mommy.  I’ll be good.”

And he was, without a single threat or ultimatum given.

Actions don’t follow emotions.  Emotions follow actions. The more faking it I do, the easier it becomes to stay calm.  Calm becomes the habit.  I still blow it, because I’m a fallen being.  But it is less common.  And praying, especially when things are intense, shows my kids The Best Way to handle all of that intensity.  They learn “From Whence Their Help Cometh.”

And isn’t that really the Ultimate Goal?

***

So, I’ve got just one more, more about practicalities than anything else, but I’m going to have mercy on your eyeballs and your brains.  Everybody okay?  Are we all still on speaking terms?  What’s your best tip for “faking it?”

I got an email recently from a reader, wanting to know how to stay positive when surrounded by Little People, Life, and the Chaos That Ensues.  And I admit, I may have snorted a little.  Because, um, I’ve shown you guys my bedside table, right?  It’s not all rainbows and unicorns around here.  But this is something near and dear to my heart, it’s something that God has been working with me on, and I’ve heard lots of wisdom from others on the subject that I am prepared to share as my own.  So here goes…

1 - Accept your position.  The sooner we can all release the idea that our house will be the one on the block that runs smoothly, the better off we’ll be.  We need to quit comparing, quit dreaming, and deal with the reality that we’ve been given.  I’m not being fatalistic, I’m saying that sometimes we get so caught up in wishing that we weren’t drowning in diapers, laundry, and mud pies that we never learn to be content.  And we don’t ever learn to cope with what we’ve been given.  Which leads me to my next point…

2 - Practice Gratefulness.  It makes no sense to walk into my laundry room and stare at Mt. WashMe and whisper, “Thank you, Jesus.”  But sometimes, that’s what I need to do to get a little healthy perspective.  I remember when I could do laundry once a week, for two people, and I was the saddest mama-wannabe around.  I remember when I wasn’t overrun with baby socks.  And I remember millions of children who don’t have more than the clothes on their bodies.  That’s an attitude-changer.

Open up and enjoy the insanity.  The Inane, the Ridiculous, it is GUARANTEED in our lives.  Accept it, be thankful you’ve been given so many great stories to tell, and embrace it.  The more you practice being grateful, the more you’ll feel it.

3 - Lower Your Expectations. I’ve preached on this before.  Once you’ve accepted the children, the husband, the work you’ve been given, you have to be realistic about what you can achieve in a day.  Recognize that the more you write on your own personal to-do list, the more you sacrifice the relationships with the people you are trying to serve.  Only do the things you can get done while still being nice.  If you can’t accomplish it without yelling at your kids, don’t do it.  Or save it for bedtime.  Making yourself wait for the hard stuff until after the kids go to bed and you’re exhausted will help you prioritize your life QUICKLY!

4 - Relationships Rule.  We’re talking about growing families here.  A family isn’t just the people who live in the house together.  A family is made up of the relationships between those people.  Yes, absolutely, things have to get done so the house doesn’t fall down around our ears.  But I will let the kitchen dishes go unwashed when I host guests because I want to visit with them.  Will I do the same with my own kids?  How do I show them that they are important to me?  Do I sit and chat with them during lunch, or do I scrub the kitchen and remove the peanut butter from my hair?  I’m not implying you must spend your every waking minute lolling on the couch, shooting the breeze with your kids.  But I’m saying the Relationship should dictate your priorities.

One more thing about this - when we’re all down in the trenches with the training stage, it’s easy to become the Colonel, dictating, keeping everyone in line, administering discipline… And sometimes we forget to hug our kids.  (I’m using we in the “Royal We” sense here, meaning ME.)  I forget that I’m training and I start Managing.  The two are very different.  Training involves teaching, it involves communicating, it involves demonstrating the behavior I want to see in my kids.  And I don’t think I want my kids acting like Colonel Klink all the time. So I’ve got to demonstrate in love, not in mandates.

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Believe it or not, there’s more.  But I’m still working up the nerve to hit publish on those.  In the meantime, tell me how YOU stay positive.  How do you find your sense of humor in the trenches?

Did you ever have so much to blog about that you just got overwhelmed and didn’t blog at all?

To the One of you who noticed the blog had gone a bit quiet (Hi, Aubrey!), I thank you for caring.  We’ve been busy.  But I don’t know how to blog about all of that yet.  So instead, I was typing a comment into a friend’s blog and realized that my little novella would make a useful blog post.  And I’m all about being useful… somewhere.

Lindsay over at Rocking the Mini-Van, who is related to the Vitafam in a round about way, asked about taking a long road trip with her toddler.  Here’s what I had to say:

Get a DVD player or set up your laptop so it will play. (I’ve been known to jam mine between the front seats in a pinch.) Save it. Use it as your last resort when your child starts meltdown. We bring DVDs, but we also like to just have a few episodes downloaded onto iTunes.  I created a playlist of episodes so I could just hit play once and not have to pull over every twenty minutes to change shows when I traveled with the kids by myself.  Our kids love the Backyardigans, RoadRunner and Coyote, and Tigger and Pooh.

Try some books on tape. For the younger set, there’s Curious George, Caps for Sale, or any number of easy children’s audiobooks.  Or maybe some Philadelphia Chickens by Sandra Boynton.  For the 4-6 age group, we started them on chapter books like The Boxcar Children, Winnie the Pooh, or Geronimo Stilton.  (Warning:  I don’t always like the way the characters in Geronimo Stilton talk to one another, but we use it as an opportunity to talk about how to be kind to others.)  It may feel a little early to be starting books on tape with a young toddler, but you could always just download books that you already have.  Then you can either hand the child the book when it comes on the CD, or, you know they already have a familiarity with pictures and story and are using their imagination.  Either way, this builds useful listening skills.

(Word to the wise, change out these books often.  One time we listened to a particular Boxcar Children Mystery so many times we can all quote the thing by memory.  I’m not proud of this, but it’s true.)

Have lots of snacks in your car bag to dole out. I started giving mine a treat after every stop or 100 miles or some other milestone. I buy a thing of Now N’ Laters and they each get one color every 100 miles. Anything for them to look forward to. We lay some ground rules about them, though.  They are not allowed to ask us 800 times when we’re stopping next or “are we there yet.”  If they ask too much, they forfeit their rights to candy.  Cruel, but necessary.

(Be careful to keep the candy to a minimum and the snacks low on sugar.  It’s nice that they’re strapped down for the sugar buzz, but the emotional roller coaster coming down off the buzz might be a bit hard to handle.  Ask me how I know.)

One final tip, tell all the grown-ups to bring headphones and music. If baby has a freak-out, sometimes the only thing you can do is just keep driving. Andrew and I will swap off with “Okay, you get the headphones for half an hour while I field the questions/nagging.”

This keeps the adult whining to a minimum.

We download a lot of comedy routines and stuff that makes us laugh. I also bought a splitter so Andrew and I can each have a set of headphones but listen to the same thing. It’s like a mini-date, with screaming in the background. It helps us cope and keep our moods light so that the children can stay calmer, too.  A few funny people we like that aren’t too crass are:  John Pinette, Brian Regan, Jim Gaffigan, Bill Cosby, Bob Newhart, and Jeff Foxworthy.  And please note, I didn’t say these are all squeaky clean.  Use your own discretion, people.

(Use caution when listening to John Pinette while driving.  Andrew almost had to pull over one time he was laughing so hard.  I’m just sayin’…)

Even though we’re starting back to school next week, I know there are a few road trips in our future this summer.  So hit me with your best tip.  Or your favorite iTunes download for travel.  Or both!  Let’s get Lindsay down the road in her Rockin’ Mini-van with her sanity intact…

I get asked all the time, “How do you do it?”

I’m assuming people are referring to raising our young brood.  If they aren’t, then they need to learn some nouns and quit throwing around pronouns that confuse the addlepated like me.

My standard answer is, “One minute at a time… a lot of prayer… I don’t know, I can’t remember…” something like that.  And that is all true.  But I’m about to share with you another piece of the puzzle.  You want to know how a mother of five gets through the day?  Check her bedside table drawer.  That’s where the answers are.

And my answer, obviously, is CHOCOLATE.

When Mommy takes a time-out (like I did today when Adam dropped a five gallon bucket on his toe because he was stacking buckets so he could climb them to reach something he wasn’t supposed to have on a shelf he isn’t supposed to touch) I head straight for my bedroom.  I usually flounce on my bed and reach immediately for that drawer.  I get a hunk of chocolate and grab my journal.  I do a bit of venting and praying.  I re-read some notes from The Mentor or a Psalm.  I take deep breaths.  I find my center…

And then I probably have another piece of chocolate.  The evidence doesn’t lie.

So now you know.

How do YOU do it?

p.s. In my defense, that drawer hasn’t been cleaned out in a really long time.  Although, I don’t suppose admitting that makes me look any better… Never mind.  I have no defense.  Just the truth.

Yesterday, I got to have an hour long phone conversation with the Mississippi Mentor. She set me straight on all things parental.  It was like a breath of fresh air into my frazzled little soul.  One of the things she impressed upon me was to pick the “most right” thing to do in every moment.  She reminded me that my relationship with my children (or, as she called it “being in good fellowship”) would determine the peace and success of training in our home.

She encouraged me to avoid appearing flustered.  To try to separate childishness from defiance when we contemplate discipline.  And to remember to laugh.

I’m good at finding the funny in something after it happens.  Like in the quiet of the evening when the house is clean and I’ve got a pint of ice cream close at hand.  But sometimes, in the midst of mundane and chaos alike, it’s hard to let my kids enjoy the ridiculous.  Because I don’t enjoy the ridiculous.

Annie’s solution was to suggest dropping even my minimal agenda for the next few weeks.  Invest in relationships with my kids.  Build good fellowship.  Build good faith.  And build good memories.

Which is how I ended up with this in my living room.

Underneath this tent city are ground up chocolate chip cookies (AKA lunch), coloring books, and an assorted collection of army men.

It was a good day.

That doesn’t mean it was perfect or that we enjoyed perfectly compliant children.  No. Ian bit Sam (don’t even ask), there was another graffiti outbreak on the wall going up the stairs, and somewhere in there someone colored on the carpet.  But there was peace.  Totally inexplicable, I grant you.  I suspect 5% of it was my attitude when I tackled this day.  And 1% of it was a result of the kids being secure (and somewhat surprised) with all the “togetherness.”  Then there was the other 94% courtesy of God’s grace on a family full of sinners.  (That adds up to 100, right?  Somebody check my math, says the homeschool mom.)

I’m not sure what we’re doing tomorrow.  The whole thing makes my routine-oriented self nervous.  The good news is, we did still manage to eat dinner and the house is not a health hazard, so somehow, in “good fellowship,” the basic needs were met today.

And maybe, just maybe, we met two of the most Basic Need of all:  Love and Laughter.

Here’s hoping…

Interrupting our “serious” discussion of parenting resources to handle some more lighthearted questions from Elle.

Morning routine? Bedtime routines? - I admit, we’re not usually early risers around here.  We taught the kids to stay in their rooms until we get them, so that gives us time to shower and get ready for the day.  Because once we let them out of their cages beds, we hit the ground sprinting.  Andrew works from home most days, so he gets to stick around for breakfast.  We try to get a few chapters in of our Bible reading and then he heads to work and the kids run off to do their chores.  I clutch my coffee and try to keep a rein on the chaos.

Bedtime is pretty low-key.  The boys dress themselves (can I get an Halleujah!) so we each take a girl, pj her (uh-huh, it’s a verb), and head upstairs.  Usually, I put the girls to bed with prayers and songs while Andrew reads to the boys and prays with them.  Then I collapse in my chair with chocolate and laptop.

How do you pack for such a crew when traveling? -I’m pretty sure I stress people out when they ask me if I’m packed for trips.  Because the answer is always NO.  I don’t believe in early packing.  It’s pointless.  I only pack something if it’s a must-have item in our lives, but if it’s a must-have item, I’m probably using it up until the day we leave.  I do make a list if we’re taking a big trip (i.e. 24 hours or more) so that I don’t forget any must-haves.  All the kids have their own bag, so when we’re done, there’s at least seven bags.

My least favorite part?  Packing up vitamins and any medicines we might want in case someone gets sick.  This involves trying to predict what disease or plague we will succumb to while on the road and then how many vials or pills we need to treat said illness.  This makes me crazy.

What possesses you ever, ever, ever to do any crafts at all? - Guilt.  Plain and simple.  And now would be a good time to admit how behind I am on celebrating the holidays.  My kids wanted to know why the neighbor had plastic eggs in her tree and I had to confess that Easter is in one week and there’s nary an egg or bunny in sight.  In my defense, I really, really hate crafts.

What is your dream family vacation? - Right now, our dream would be to take the three older boys with us when we go to Africa to get our new baby.  (The girls are too young to remember such a trip.)  Finances won’t allow, but we fully expect and plan to scrimp and save to take the whole family to Uganda some day.  Probably means we won’t get to go to Disney World, which would also be fun, but I think Africa carries much more importance for our family.  We LOVED traveling with the twins last year, so we hope to one day be able to do that more with all of the kids once they don’t require us for all their toilet needs.

How do you keep up with clothes organization, the growing in, growing out stuff? - This question makes me hyperventilate.  There’s a very loose system of plastic boxes in place right now.  I can’t talk about it or I’d break out into hives.  But thanks to consignment sales, neighbor hand-me-downs, and stuff I’ve saved, we’re covered for the next season.  Glory Be!

Now, I need you people to tell me things.  Dream vacation?  A perfect clothes organization system?  Or maybe you’d like to explain why exactly a person WOULD do crafts?  Talk to me…

or Everything I Know About Parenting Came In A Small Package From Mississippi

Last week, in response to one of your questions, I discussed the need for intentional parenting.  You should go back and check out the comments for further ideas and thoughts on the subject.  And, like always, I want to remind you that we are hardly “experts” on parenting.  Our children haven’t turned into anything but Hearty Eaters thus far, so heed our advice at your own risk.

Now, for the practical side of things…

Our first step, before we ever had kids, was to look for families that exemplified the sort of family we thought we wanted to be.  We were both blessed with supportive families who offered us much wisdom.  But, shortly after we got married, we moved far, far away from our families.  We had to hunt for a support base that could get to us in under 24 hours.

So we looked for families in our local church.  I’m not just talking about the family that was in church all the time, we looked for families whose children were above reproach, who honored their parents.  We looked for parents that seemed to delight in their children, to desire their best.  We looked for families who glorified God.

Then, we very timidly approached them and asked them to tell us their secrets.

I admit, Andrew and I hit the proverbial jackpot in mentors.  I quote one of the sweet mamas who took me under her wing all the time.  Anything I say that’s worth anything about parenting, it more than likely came from my Annie, drawled out in a Mississippi accent from a rocking chair on her front porch.  Despite her tiny little five foot frame, she wrangled her three boys with a gentle yet firm hand.  Knowing I had boys of my own to wrangle, her words were Southern Honey to my scared little ears.

I keep every one of her emails to me and I cull through them from time to time when I feel totally useless as a parent.  Her advice makes me feel even more like a failure, but then she lovingly reminds me of God’s grace to all parents, and His promise to give us strength whenever we need it.

You can’t buy that in a book, folks.  Especially not with that accent.

Which is why, before I get around to actually answering the original question about our favorite parenting books, I must encourage you to find some mentors.

I know I made that “mentors” plural and there’s a reason for that.  In this day of over-scheduling and extreme daily living, it’s incredibly hard to find just one person or family who can pour into you.  Andrew and I pieced together a “team” of mentors who covered different topics for us.  He had one man he went to for theological wisdom, one man who challenged him as a dad, etc.  I had my Annie for child-training, another for homeschooling, another for living life as a God-honoring woman, etc.  We’ve spent lots of time with these people, getting involved with their lives, asking them questions and observing how they lived.

Here’s what we’ve learned:

1.  You have to pursue your mentors. It is a rare person who has the guts to say to another, “I’m going to take you under my wing because I think I’ve got something to teach you.”  No, if a mentor is worth anything, they’re probably too humble to admit that.  So, despite your shyness, despite your insecurities, you will probably have to take the first step.

2.  Do not be devastated if your first choice for mentor turns you down or isn’t willing to meet your every need for advice.  They have lives, too.  They are not always in tune with the needs of others.  I’m not saying that’s right, it’s just the way it is sometimes.  Perhaps you need to look further.  Or, you can gently continue pursuit.  Get involved in their lives.  Offer to help them with the things that make them busy.  If they have older children, offer to baby-sit, offer to bring dinner, offer to help them with their yard-work.

3.  Do not expect mentors to replace your family in cases of emergency.  Some relationships with mentors grow into a role that is almost parental in nature.  But it is wrong of us to expect it.  Be grateful for the wisdom they are willing to share.  Do not assume that because they’re willing to talk to you about parenting that they will be there to help you clean your house after a week of the stomach bug.  Some mentors will, but others will dole out their wisdom from a germ-free distance.

4.  Be respectful of your mentor’s time.  Maybe they aren’t in the trenches of diaper warfare like you, but people are busy.  Show that you respect their time and they will respond more quickly and favorably.

Finally, I have a challenge for all of you who fit the bill to qualify as Mentors.  And, believe it or not, that’s ALL of you.  You’re all ahead of somebody in the walk of life.

So I challenge you, even if you feel totally unqualified for the job, make time to pour into others. Do not get so wrapped up in your own Here and Now that you forget what it felt like “back then.”  Remember that if someone had only taken you under their wing “back then,” how much you might have benefited.  Be that “someone” to someone else.

You never know.  Someday they might have a blog and quote your wisdom endlessly, taking full credit for everything you ever taught them.  It could happen…

Nic asked us to talk about what resources we’re using to help us raise our kids.

We’re so very flattered you think we’ve put some thought into this at all!   But before we dig in to practical stuff, we need to discuss The Big Picture.

We think parents who are intentional about their parenting are the ones who are most effective.  So, what are your goals for parenting?  Do you want well-behaved children?  Smart kids?  National Merit Scholars?  Do you want them to be athletic, musical, artsy, dreamers, future presidents?  What’s the POINT of all this effort?

You can’t be intentional about anything unless you’ve got a goal in mind.  It’s funny that I was trying to answer this question this weekend, because here’s what we’ve been reading from the Bible plan this week.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one! ⁵You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  ⁶These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. ⁷You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. ⁸You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.  ⁹You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

So, um, that’s basically our plan (and Moses said it much better than I could.)

We want to teach our kids to love God and obey His commands.  We want to teach them diligently, all the time.  We want our faith to be totally integrated into our lives.  It’s why we homeschool (I’m not implying you can’t instruct your children about God if you send them to school, I’m simply saying it’s what works for us), why we keep our kids in church with us, why we guard our calendar and schedule so closely… Our goal is that our children love Jesus.  And we want to spend lots of time with them so that we can have a good, honest relationship and when we instruct them, THEY HEAR US.

Whatever decisions we make as parents, whatever resources we seek out, they should help us meet our goals for our kids.  It’s how we discern a good book about parenting from a great book about parenting.  It’s how we define who makes a good mentor for us.

But you can’t get anywhere as a parent if you don’t know where you’re going.  That only ends in frustration.  Your goals serve as your gut-check.  When something isn’t working, the goals are the guide that will help get you back on track.

Soon, I’ll give you some more of the practical side of this:  mentoring, books we like, etc.  But I didn’t want to step into that until I told you what our intent is for raising our kids.

And now that we’re all on the same page about that, what are your goals?  What is your heart’s desire for those ankle biters you’re raising?  To what purpose is all the nose-wiping, book reading, and disciplining in your house?

So are y’all sick of me writing about bread yet?  Me, too.  Which is why I made you some videos…

This first video will show you how to use your scales to weigh your ingredients for the 100% Whole Wheat Bread recipe in Healthy Bread in Five Minutes a Day.  The video is 6 minutes long, which really just means I talk too much.  Also, if the fact that it takes me six minutes instead of five is the reason you don’t make this bread, then you probably need to settle down.  Also, taking six minutes to mix a batch of dough that will last me about a week and a half to two weeks is a big improvement over 8 hours for a week’s worth of bread.

Measuring 5 Minute Bread from Lora Fanning on Vimeo.

I was pleased to see that adding the extra 3 tablespoons of vital wheat gluten really did made the dough less wet and gooey.  I’m also happy to report that after ten years of marriage, I still had to edit out about 5 seconds of footage of my posterior, so my husband still likes me.  Hooray!

This next video is poorly shot, but it gives you a glimpse into how much time I actually spend making bread on days when the dough is already mixed.  It also gives you a glimpse into how quickly my mornings disintegrate.

Bread Making in the Morning - Less than 5 Minutes from Lora Fanning on Vimeo.

If nothing else, skip to the end and watch what happens every morning with Willa around 11:00.  It is a wonder to behold…