I can’t even begin to tell you how excited we all were about this fire engine trip.  Understandably, the boys thought riding in an open air fire engine was a grand idea.  And I relished the thought of seeing the Golden Gate Bridge from the safety of a vehicle.  (I don’t do well walking on bridges and after reading that this one doesn’t have much of a railing for small people, I was NOT going.)

As soon as the fire engine pulled up, my recently rambunctious boys went strangely quiet.  They shyly eyed the vehicle, wanting so badly to touch but carefully keeping their hands to themselves so they would not be removed from the trip.

Willa was exhausted, so I took her out of the stroller and strapped her in the Ergo.  I pulled her new Alcatraz hat down over her ears and she was napping in one breath.

Our tour guides entertained us with jokes and tap dancing while they readied the fire engine.  Marilyn carefully distributed fire jackets for each person.  She asked me if I wanted a thick or a thin one since I was wearing the baby.  I suggested she just give me the biggest one so I could wrap it around both of us.  This was the result.

Willa is under my coat.  The only problem with this attire was that it was very heavy and cumbersome and I couldn’t move my arms.  Plus, I had the added handicap of wearing a baby.  So I was pretty much useless to help the boys with their hats and seat belts.  Fortunately, the other passengers had pity on the Michelin Mama and offered extra hands when they were needed.

As we took off down the road, our tour guide Marilyn burst into song and I watched the faces of the passengers, their eyes incredulous, their smiles frozen.  I could hear the universal thought, “Wait, there’s singing on this trip?”

Marilyn wrote some cute show tune sounding songs to sing with gusto as we rode, in between her stories of interest and wise cracks about the city.  It was a bit like having Ethel Merman for a tour guide.  Somehow it was very appropriate for the setting.  I kept expecting her to burst into “You Cain’t Git A Man With A Gun.”

But when you’re wrapped up in a bulky coat, flying down the street in an open top fire engine, there’s nothing to do but grin and admit that you’re having fun.  So we all cheered and went with it.  Marilyn and Captain Robert were adorable with their 35 years of marriage and living in a firehouse story.  I don’t know if it was true or not, but it made everyone feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  Or maybe that was just the coats…

We took off toward the Golden Gate Bridge and the way the Captain drove up and down the streets of San Francisco was not holy.  But, man, it was fun.  Way better than a roller coaster.  And, I imagine, a lot more dangerous.  The boys were perfectly safe, belted in and on the inside of the engine.  My biggest concern was losing my grip on the precious iPhone I was using to take pictures with.  I was terrified it would go flying out of the engine while I tried to snap a blurry photo.

We stopped before we crossed the bridge so everyone could put on red ski helmets to protect against the elements.

And then… we took off across that bridge.  And this is pretty much what it felt like:

The wind, the speed, the view, the bumps, the clanging of the fire bell … Total Exhilaration.  The boys were completely awestruck.  Their faces were blank, their jaws slack, but I knew that meant they were just soaking everything in.

After our first trip across, we stopped for a photo op.

You will note, of course, that I had on a pink ski hat I purchased on the pier.  What is it about being a tourist that makes us lose all sense of fashion or any ability to blend in?

Here are our sweet hosts, who kept the mood light with songs and banter the whole trip.

They even let Sam and Ian ring the fire bell, which resulted in the first smile I saw on Ian from the moment we started the tour.  When he gets awed, he gets serious, people.

We headed back across the bridge.

Willa woke up every time the engine stopped and fussed, but as soon as we started bumping our way along the streets again, she fell back asleep.  She was warm and cozy and never felt a single breeze.

We arrived back at our starting point with wild hair and bright eyes.  The boys didn’t say much, but when Andrew hit the door hours later, they were ready to unload their news from the day:  “We rode a fire engine across the Golden Gate Bridge and I rang the bell and he tooted the horn in the tunnel and it was loud and I jumped a bit but I wasn’t scared and maybe tomorrow you can ride the fire engine with us, Daddy…”

And I gotta tell you, Andrew was awfully disappointed he missed it.

I’m no travel expert, but if you’re in the area with kids of any age, this is a DO NOT MISS experience.  Forget the California Academy of Science (where we went today), it’s over-priced and short on content.  Spend that money instead on a driving tour of the city.  And if you can make it on that fire engine, DO IT.  My kids may not remember anything else we did, but they will always associate the Golden Gate Bridge with San Francisco, and they’ll definitely remember that fire engine ride.

As I loaded the pictures from today from my iPhone onto the computer, I realized a startling trend.  There’s no faces.  Just red hats.  Which is great for security reasons, but not very exciting to look at.  My apologies.

It took us until 11 to head out this morning.  Willa decided a long nap was in order and then there was the requisite last minute search for a red hat (irony) and everybody needing to pee.  But here we all are, loaded up and ready to go.

That’s my brave face I’m wearing there.  My brave face is strikingly similar to my look of terror.  Take that how you will.  And that blue hat down in the bottom of the picture is Willa.  She refused to sit up straight and smile for the camera like the rest of us.  Disagreeable child.

We took a cab to the wharf and checked out some of the big boats.  Sam actually got nervous at the thought of going on the big schooner.  He was not at all pleased that the boats went up and down in the water.  And it wasn’t very crowded, which made the historic boats a bit creepier.  I had to sling Willa so we could go up and down the narrow flights of stairs.  I think we were all a bit tense when we were done and were ready for something not involving steps or water.

Willa’s got her foot in front of her face, but she was perfectly content while we wandered the boats.  Even when I tripped over some sticky-out boat thing and nearly sent us hurtling below-deck.  I am a graceful swan, I am.

We didn’t go visit this place, but I need to include a picture just to let you know that The Mother Ship was there, giving me strength and fortitude.  Just knowing the Ghirardelli chocolate factory was in sight boosted my courage.  (If you squint, you can see the sign in this picture.  Did I mention I have no zoom?)

We wandered down the wharf area for awhile and stopped at a windy bench for lunch.  There the boys had a run-in with some seagulls, we were all uncomfortably cold, and we left as quickly as we could.  We pushed on to the touristy Pier 39.  We bought tickets for the Aquarium By the Bay.  The boys were so excited.  I hadn’t been sure we would squeeze this in, so I surprised them with it.  Their reaction told me it was worth the effort.

I finally managed to take a picture of Willa when she wasn’t hidden under a hat or bundled up in a sling.

It was at this juncture that I made a very wise purchase of some scuba diver action figures and some tiny plastic penguins.  The boys have played loyally with their two fake lizards I brought them and I thought a new toy or two might liven up their play in the hotel room.  (Although I am continuously impressed with how they can make anything a toy with their imaginations.)  The boys very excitedly thanked me for the new stuff and even promised not to complain on the walk back to our next stop.  Surprisingly enough, they kept their word.

I rewarded this unasked-for-kindness with some ice cream.

Then the boys ran around the courtyard while I fed Willa.  We made an emergency run for a bathroom, where we entertained everyone by coming up with animals for every letter of the alphabet while Sam was in the stall by himself.  I figured if he kept talking to me, he was okay.  And everyone in the restroom knew it.

We wandered over to where we were to meet our fire engine tour.  While we waited, I let the boys play with their little plastic penguins.  They found a bit of sand on some steps in the sidewalk and had a ball.  I had to tell Ian to lower his voice they were so into their play.

Meanwhile I changed Willa’s diaper on a slab of concrete and went to work rearranging our things so we’d be ready to board the fire engine.

The fire engine tour is a post unto itself.  Look for it soon.

We’re now happily ensconced back in our room for the evening.  The boys are playing with their scuba divers in the bathroom and I’ve not seen or heard from them for the last hour.  I may have paid a ridiculous price for those little pieces of plastic, but they were worth every. single. cent.

And that’s about all of the “What We Did On Our Summer Vacation” I can subject you to.    My apologies to your patient little eyeballs.  Be sure and drag ‘em back here tomorrow for more punishment.

After our trip to the grocery store, we laid low in the hotel for a couple of hours to let Willa nap.  Then we loaded up and headed out again.  Here’s what we looked like.

Willa’s underneath that hat.  I promise.

While we waited to meet up with Andrew, I dragged the boys into a few stores.  They were singularly unimpressed.  “I think we’ve done enough of this, Mommy,” Sam stated after less than five minutes in a store.

After we found Andrew, we rode the cable car to Chinatown.  We studied China recently, so I hoped it would help the boys understand a different culture from their own.  But it didn’t.  I’m always amused by what blows their mind (an airport) and what they accept without question (all the swirling languages, weird writing, and Asian architecture).  They barely blinked.  They did enjoy stopping at the fortune cookie factory, though.

They both agreed this was interesting and smelled delicious!  (I promise that was the best picture I got.  Willa kept bumping me while I tried to get folks to pose.  You think that’s bad, you should have seen my attempt to photograph the fog rolling in over the Golden Gate Bridge.  I have no zoom.  So it’s just some smog and a pipe.  Ansel Adams I ain’t.)

Another cable car ride later, we found ourselves close to the bay.  We stopped for some burgers and shakes and wandered a quick museum.  We’ll be headed back to the pier tomorrow, so I was trying to get my bearings for when I’m on my own.  We stood in line for a sweet forever to catch the cable car back to the hotel.  (Here is where I realized my kids don’t understand the concept of a line.  Every time a new car arrived, Sam tried to get us to move so we could get in it.  It’s like the 150 people in front of us weren’t even there.)

I’m awfully glad Andrew was with me for this riding thing, because I don’t believe my heart could have handled the stress of hanging onto the kiddos while we went up and down the hills of San Francisco.  As it was, I had all I could do to hold onto Willa’s hat, her cookie, my purse, and to try to snap a picture, all while protecting my iPhone from flying down the street.

I promise that hill was a lot steeper than my terrible photography skills show.  I was certain we’d send someone flying off the side or take out a pedestrian or two.  The boys loved it.  Sam wanted to know why the driver kept putting on the brakes.  If he’d had his way, we all would have thrown our arms up in the air and roller-coastered the streets of San Fran.

Fortunately, Sam’s Rule of Law is not in effect and we very sedately squeaked our way back to our hotel.  We’re back at the pier tomorrow, exploring boats and taking our fire engine ride.  Andrew will be busy the rest of the week, so it’s just me and the gang.

Thank goodness the Ghirardelli chocolate store will be close by…

This morning we needed groceries.  I was “forced” to order room service since we didn’t get to buy any food last night.  While the boys enjoyed eating blueberry pancakes on their bed, it’s not a habit I want them to get used to.  So, since everyone was up at 5 am anyway, we were out the door by 8:30.  The boys held my hand and I wore Willa in the Ergo.

I thought maybe with only three kids we would blend in.  But it’s not the case around here.  Besides, it’s hard to make my cute twins inconspicuous with their red hats and sunglasses, you know?  Even if I wasn’t wearing a backpack, camera or a fanny-pack, we definitely stuck out as “not from around here.”

The boys weren’t very thrilled about the walk to the grocery store.  I knew it was a hike, but I had to unpeel them from the walls where they’d been climbing in our hotel room, so I thought a little exercise would do them good.  Despite the occasional complaint, they did pretty well at keeping up.  We only stopped traffic at a major intersection once.  And I only had to pull out my iPhone for directions once.  I call that a victory.

Inside the grocery store, I expected to be able to relax and enjoy shopping in my favorite Whole Foods.  I didn’t take into account that there were no carts for the boys to ride in and the aisles are much smaller in the Big City.  We pinged our way through the aisles.  The fellas forgot every rule they ever heard about not touching, not standing on the cart, not singing too loud…  EVERYTHING.  I resorted to stopping the cart and ordering that “all hands be touching the cart while Mommy finds what she needs.”  That worked until they remembered that I didn’t say anything about feet and started climbing on the cart.  And almost dumped it…

At the check-out line, the boys helped me load the groceries onto the conveyer belt and then proceeded to invade everyone else’s personal space.  City grocery stores are not meant for people with lots of little bodies.  I didn’t realize that Family Sprawl was an issue but apparently it is.  I spent a lot of time apologizing for it, too.

The cab I called for didn’t arrive at first, so we stood on the street corner, surrounded by our groceries while I reminded the boys not to lick the newspaper stand.

When our cab did arrive (oh, did I tell you we found out we CAN use a cab and a great weight was lifted off of my shoulders?) I shoved the boys in and went to load the groceries.  One of the bags busted all over the street.  Have mercy.

Once I’d shoved all the bananas and oatmeal I could find into the cab, I jumped in and we sped off.  I turned to see the boys staring back at me, in total wonderment that there were no car seats.  I pointed out that they should buckle up and then realized they have no idea how to use a real seat belt. More twisting and begging and explaining and reaching was necessary.  Willa resented me squishing her around while I tried to buckle the guys, so we were a bit of a twisty screaming mess for a good two minutes.

No wonder the cab driver steered like he had a death wish.

And now we’re safely locked in our hotel room so I can regroup and introduce my boys to the wonder that is “The Price is Right.”

I swear we’ll do something touristy this afternoon.  Just let my blood pressure return to normal…